P. HOWARD
(Jenő Rejtő)


THE BLONDE HURRICANE


Title of the Hungarian original:
A SZŐKE CIKLON

Translated by ISTVAN FARKAS
Translation revised by ELISABETH WEST
Postscript by BÉLA ABODY




CONTENTS

PREFACE.
Contritely but briefly, the author confesses that his story has some antecedents.

CHAPTER ONE.
A millionaire lays down the glue-pot for good. He makes his will, disposing of his property, which is not far to seek: it must be somewhere on this earth. Even walls have ears - in the head of Eddy Rancing. His plan is to rob the girl, so that he can then make her rich. Exit Eddy Rancing. The Governor describes a prisoner 6ft. 3in. in height, with a disfiguring scar on his nose, who just possibly was not sleeping. Too bad!

CHAPTER TWO.
Evelyn and her mother go to see Uncle Marius. Fortunately, Mr. North had always taken proper care of his internal organs and so the filing-clerk can now look forward to retirement and spending gay week-ends in the company of pretty women on the Continent. He devises a plan for marketing old sales ledgers, but shortly afterwards is attacked by an ex-convict. In Mr. Bradford's view Fate is like a boozy tailor. At this point, everybody leaves London; and Evelyn steps out of a pool of mud before going on board.

CHAPTER THREE.
The state-room lies in ruins. Lord Bannister is at a loss and Evelyn goes to sleep. Dawn shows them in an unfavourable light. The ex-prisoner, in spite of his excellent references, is compelled to go and look elsewhere for a job. Beefy commits an act of justifiable self-defence against a taxi driver, thus giving proof of his respectability. Gordon calls on Buddha at his home. Evelyn cancels Mr. Wilmington's supper, then lays the table.

CHAPTER FOUR.
Eddy Rancing makes inquiries but only receives information about cadaveric lividity and outward signs of injury. His interest is not aroused. He makes the acquaintance of Frau Victoria, the Head Gardener's wife, and meets Mustard, a loose-living ruminant. A Karlsbad souvenir finds no takers. Whimsical Gürti is chastised. Eddy is trapped by a gnome; some time later he swims to the next village. All's bad, but ends well.

CHAPTER FIVE.
Evelyn is compelled to commit an indiscretion. There is draught, followed by a gun-fight: in the end, a lot of people are run in in a police round-up. Everyone is being pursued as well as pursuing everyone else. The gangsters form a syndicate, then repair to The King of Beans. A banquet is spoilt by a tropical storm, and the person fêted leaves on a long motor tour, in full evening-dress.

CHAPTER SIX.
Reminiscences about a lighthouse and the Morse code. A fresh scheme founders four storeys up. The author of Wilhelm Tell takes possession of a gold-watch and has it valued at Högraben's. The fire-brigade is called out. Eddy Rancing quotes Shakespeare and Lübli the pipeman interprets. Eddy sends a telegram.

CHAPTER SEVEN.
Lord Bannister creates a sensation in a freshly laundered dressing-gown. He survives the loss of his dress suit. Evelyn gives a brilliant performance at the wheel of an Alfa-Romeo. They meet three cows. His lordship relaxes somewhat but his agitation returns when he discovers the loss of his toilet case. Reappearance of the three cows. Lord Bannister and Evelyn don folk costumes in Lyons, take leave of each other, then continue their journey together. Newspaper headlines have a disastrous effect on Lord Bannister.

CHAPTER EIGHT.
Lord Bannister believes that now he sees all. He does nothing of the sort. Lack of drains holds up a wedding. Arthur Rancing refunds even the fees of the assistant engineer. The national colours are hung out over the restaurant, but the community singers are very nearly not required. Eddy realises that his gamble has not come off, and waives his claim in his uncle's favour. Holler remains irrepressible. He takes the formidable fortress of Guéliz by storm; he goes shopping for Evelyn, and survives some hard bargaining; he knows of a link between an American symphony orchestra and the Sahara.

CHAPTER NINE.
Lord Bannister suffers from hallucinations. He is then mistaken for Catherine de Medici. He prepares for his impending years in prison, then discovers that dinner jackets aren't the most comfortable wear in the Sahara. Robbers make their appearance. Eddy Rancing rides his camel full tilt, and learns to appreciate the theory of relativity.

CHAPTER TEN.
The beard of Achilles. The robbers have no defence against a foul trick. Eddy Rancing discovers that the desert isn't all beer and skittles. He is laughed at by a quite diminutive pilgrim. Lessons from Harrington's daughter stand him in good stead. We learn the lamentable fact that there is scarcely any difference between a razor blade and a self-loading pistol. The toilet case has the last laugh. The fight is over, all are friends and they plan to return a dressing-gown to its rightful owner. Evelyn forgives all. Mr. Bradford, weighing his words carefully, tells us what life is really like.

POSTSCRIPT.
Jenő Rejtő (1905-1943)